Wednesday, June 16, 2010

trees, you've had your day....

according to this story in the national post, trees are FINALLY a security threat.

oh it took awhile. first water became a security threat, breast milk, shoes.

and now, trees.

before the G20 meetings start, security forces are going to start pulling up trees in the "protected zones". if you've ever been in downtown toronto i'm sure you're wondering 'which trees'? but, i assure you, there are a plethora of weapon-ready saplings just waiting for some grubby activist to get a bright idea.

even adam vaughn, my favorite city councillor, says that the trees should come down. he says "If they're removing any trees, it's because they don't want folks to jump over and launch things from above."

exactly. because activists are wily and you know they can climb trees because they spend most of their year in endangered trees saving them from being cut down.

i have been waiting for this day.. plotting. sure, i might not hate trees but it's true--they are a security threat.

you know why?

because squirrels live in those fuckers. and i HATE squirrels. i once had a squirrel build a nest under my window, and nothing could make it move. nothing. a mama squirrel is the most ferocious beast on earth and if you mess with her nest, you better watch out.

finally my landlord just filled the nest with insulation and the squirrel kind of went away, but not before she sat on my balcony and hissed at me.

don't worry, i doubt there were babies in that nest. if there are squirrel babies in a nest that becomes blocked, the mother will go so far as to eat through the wall dividing her and her young to rescue them.

it's true, look it up.

you know, i wouldn't be surprised if the G20 activists were working with squirrels, training them for the big day. there would be nothing more terrifying(or surprising) than a squirrel attack.

all of those men, in suits, walking to their fake lakes and meetings? and a squirrel flies at their face??? shit bitch, those trees need to come DOWN!

i fully support the decision to tear the trees down. i mean, we don't need "trees" in toronto. we need pavement, and cement walls, and sound cannons.

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