Showing posts with label hans r.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hans r.. Show all posts

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Iran to join European Missile Defence Shield

Iran to join European Missile Defence Shield

by Hans Rollmann
Associated Pamphleteers (AP)

Negotiations with Iran over its participation in the European Missile Defence Shield have concludedsuccessfully, NATO’s chief announced Saturday at the alliance’s summit in Lisbon.

“Iran has committed to joining the missile defence shield and protecting Europe and itself from potentialmilitary and terrorist threats from abroad,” Anders Foggy Rasmussen announced at a press conference.

Iran’s surprise announcement comes hot on the heels of yesterday’s announcement that Russia
would also be joining in on the missile defence shield. Russian President Dmitry Medvedev http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-11803931 signed a written commitment indicating that NATO andRussia no longer considered each other a threat, and that both would work together to expand the military alliance and better equip it to counter whatever remaining countries it could plausibly label as threats. Analysts suggested Iran’s partnership would be based on the same type of agreement. Some insider sources suggested the EU and US would retain rights to spar with Iran over its development of nuclear reactors, while cooperating on matters of joint defense.

Rasmussen brushed off suggestions that with Iran’s joining the missile defence shield, the system would no longer be necessary.

“There’ll always be a need for a missile defence shield,” he explained. “We shouldn’t get wrapped
up in thinking about who might attack. What we need to focus on is who we’re defending. And with the number of countries that are part of our defensive shield growing, it’s only logical that we should increase the military capability of that shield.” Mr. Rasmussen noted, for instance, that both Mongolia and Madagascar still remained outside of the missile defence system, and therefore could pose potential threats to the European mainland in the future.

Defence industry contractors were also pleased. They noted that while the military and strategic value of the missile defence shield was dubious, its role in expanding arms production and other defence- related industries would provide an invaluable contribution to the global economy.

“We should think of the missile defence shield not so much as a strategic military asset, but rather as a financial stimulus plan,” said an industry spokesperson. “It demonstrates the continuing importance of NATO in today’s world, not so much as a military alliance perhaps but more as a sort of Scotiabank for the defence industry.”

Even British Prime Minister David Cameron, originally an outspoken opponent of both NATO and Iran, gave his grudging approval.

“NATO’s sort of like that old employee who’s been around longer than anyone can remember, but you just can’t quite convince to retire,” he said. “He can’t really do any of the tasks he’s assigned, and when he tries he often just bungles them and makes things worse, but if you tried to get rid of him you’d have the union all over you. I think building up missiles all around the world to protect the world from the rest of the world is a fairly harmless thing for him to be doing.”

Rasmussen, meanwhile, noted that negotiations with China over the possibility that it might join the missile defence shield were continuing on a positive footing. He emphasized however that even if China joined the European Missile Defence Shield, the need to continue expanding the system would be greater than ever.

“What critics don’t understand is that the missile defence system – no matter how large and all- encompassing it is – will never be foolproof,” he emphasized. “One weak spot we’ve already identified is the risk of a missile attack on Europe from the moon. If the Taliban, or Somali pirates, were able to get a foothold on the moon, or even worse Mars, we’d be in a very difficult strategic position. The ongoing expansion of NATO and the missile defence system play a vital role in countering that clear and present danger.”

Monday, July 19, 2010

Conservatives to repeal metric system

in response to the conservatives latest move, which we consider to be pure genius, hans has decided that it's time to start reporting the real news.

meet the first installment of PNN- Pamphleteers News Network(now all we need is a logo and some catchy intro music):

Harper government announces plans to repeal mandatory use of metric system

Hans R.


Hot on the heels of the controversy surrounding government’s decision to end mandatory reporting of the census long-form, federal Conservatives have announced plans to introduce legislation that will end mandatory use of the metric system.

Deputy Minister of Industry Tony Spumante rebuffed criticisms that repealing the metric system would lead to confusion and reduce the government’s ability to rely on evidence-based policy-making. “We feel this represents a balanced, made-in-Canada solution,” he said in a press conference on Friday. “We’ve received numerous complaints from Canadians who don’t like the metric system. Other people like it. Our American partners would prefer us to switch to miles and pounds. In order to fairly represent the diversity of Canadian public opinion, we feel the reasonable middle-of-the-road solution is simply to repeal mandatory use of metric and leave it up to the individual to use whatever measurement system they want.”

He noted the new legislation was in line with other ongoing Conservative initiatives to promote deregulation in government policy. “Canada’s New Government has deregulated health and safety standards, labour standards, the telecommunications industry, and now measurement,” he declared proudly. “Research indicates deregulation is the best way to promote industrial growth.”
He also emphasized that it would remain up to the individual to use whichever system they preferred. “If a hard-working Canadian wants to measure their success in miles and pounds, who are we to intrude in their private lives and dash their dreams?” he went on. “That sort of liberal, socialist rhetoric simply doesn’t resonate with the majority of Canadians. The era of big government is over.”

Reaction from the business community was mixed but cautiously optimistic. While some industry associations expressed concern that eliminating the metric system could lead to confusion and disarray, particularly in international trade, others saw it as opening new opportunities. “We think there’s potential, particularly in online sales,” said Biff Cardigan, spokesperson for the Industrial Manufacturers’ Association of Canada. “After all, if a customer purchases 20 units of hairspray online, but it’s up to the vendor to decide what unit of measurement to send them 20 of...we think there’s distinct potential for maximizing the profit margins of Canadian companies.”

The legislation will be introduced in the fall session of Parliament.

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