article FAIL.

So, this is an important lesson to learn: don't ever, ever, ever write for the national post if you're in an altered state of mind.

I'm not saying Terence Corcoran was drunk when he wrote his crazy opinion piece about a bicycle tax, but i have no proof that he wasn't so I'll just leave it at that.

In "time to stop giving bicylists a free ride"(note: bicylists? not a real word?) Corcoran proposes that licensing cyclists isn't enough and that a bike tax is the best option for the city of Toronto.

Okay, a bike tax. interesting idea, Corcoran, now sell us on it!

1. Drivers of cars pay taxes, for gas, and for their insurance. corcoran writes: "all this is fair and just, right?" Right! Cars drink gas, use roads, and due to their extreme weight and speed they need to be insured in case they hit something/someone or vice versa.

Cyclists, he argues, don't pay for nothin' or noone!

I don't drive a car but I don't think that there is a separate "car tax" that drivers pay. Am I right? wrong? You buy your car and pay taxes on your purchase, and you buy gas and pay taxes on that purchase, but is there a separate car tax?

When someone buys a bike, they pay taxes on that purchase. When you buy your helmet, safety gear, lights, lock, and all of the other things that you need when you cycle there are taxes on those purchases.

So taxes on car related purchases go to a different place than taxes on bike related purchases? Is this the logic here?

I'm no tax expert, but I'd warrant a guess that this isn't true.

2. Bike trails, bike lanes, and bike-related infrastructure are expensive yo. Cyclists should pay for it!! Corcoran says just that: "there's a cost to all of this, in addition to maintenance, and bikers should pay for it."

Alright, well... I pay taxes... so, where are my tax dollars going? Oh wait, subsidizing car companies that make a product that I don't use? Is that where they go?

Remember how Canada bailed out the auto industry to the tune of like, $3 billion? Well I don't have a car and I think that only car users and drivers' taxes should go to that bail out. So by Corcoran's logic  I should be getting a tax rebate for that one.

By this logic we don't have to think about the jobs saved by that bail out or any other perk, just that it is related to cars.

3. Cyclists, like drivers, cause accidents. The difference, says Corcoran, is that drivers pay for their own insurance. They also pay fines when they break the law, something that cyclists don't have to do apparently. he asks:

"when's the last time a bike rider was ticketed for running a red light, riding up on the sidewalk, or putting pedestrians at risk by recklessly swerving through crowds?"

I wonder if Corcoran has ever driven or taken his bike down Beverley street, between college and Dundas? If he has(which I used to every single day) he would see cops on bikes handing out tickets left and right. Cyclists get tickets all of the time, so this argument is just a  lie.

4. This one is my favorite. the carbon footprint. I won't even paraphrase him on this one:

"when car drivers cruise Yonge Street on Saturday night, their metabolisms are more or less flat-lined. They just sit there, burning up little energy personally but paying for the cost of their automobile's carbon footprint via taxes and fees. Bike riders grinding up the same route burn up a lot more carbohydrates, which their bodies convert into carbon dioxide and exhale, adding to their carbon footprint. The volumes are small, but it all adds up, and bicyclists don't pay."

When someone is driving a car, they are sitting there not using any energy. This is better for the environment than a cyclist who is powering their vehicle with their own energy.

I can practically smell the booze on this one. So.. now we should stop exercising? Maybe we could impose a runners tax? A walkers tax? A breathing tax?

According to Corcoran "the social and environmental costs of biking" are too high to ignore any longer and he suggests a $100 fee for cyclists per year. Will this tax also be imposed on children who ride their bikes? They think bikes are all fun and games, but those little carbohydrate burning bike fiends should probably be held responsible for the damage they're inflicting upon society and the environment.

Also, i hate children and will never have them. I propose a child tax because I am sick of my tax dollars offsetting the costs of having children. Child care, health care, anything child-related. I want none of it!

One commenter on the article said "it's too bad that corcoran veered into cloud-cuckoo-land", but something makes me think that in cloud-cuckoo land you don't have to pay a special tax on your cloud bike.