Tuesday, October 26, 2010

toronto elects a new king!!

last night torontonians celebrated their new leader by dancing in the streets and releasing doves.

ford is going to save the city. we all know that toronto bleeds money for no reason and ford is going to stop the flow of money out and keep the money IN. where he will put that money, we're not sure, but that's not really our business as subjects.

downsize city council:

according to ford, there are too many cooks in the kitchen. we all know that too many cooks in the kitchen ruin the soup--or the gravy, in this case-- so something has to be done about it.

he says that toronto has "22 MPs, 22 MPPs and 22 School Trustees" but that it only needs 22 city councilors. it doesn't matter that these are all representatives at different level of government, it's too many. it especially doesn't matter because toronto will soon become a city state and we won't need so many representatives. but anyways, there are 5 million people populating toronto and the GTA, and we only need 22 people to represent the needs of all--that's just common sense.

too much money, not enough work:

rob ford thinks that city councillors should "get off the gravy train". this means that they make too much money and spend too much money on non-city items like parties and cabs to see their mistresses.

city councillors make $100,000.00 a year PLUS other top ups. rob ford was a city councillor for ten years so he knows all about this. rob ford is so dedicated to cutting back these expenses that he has skipped every budget meeting this year so that he could spend the time formulating his master plan for saving money and gravy.

no registration fee for vehicles:

rob ford thinks it is very unfair that people have to pay yearly to register their vehicles. if there are two things you shouldn't have to register it's your vehicle and your gun.

the 60$ vehicle registration tax is an "unfair cash grab" that "hits families hard." never mind the families who rely on the TTC, because to make up for the vehicle registration tax ford will probably have to hike TTC fares again, but his number one priority right now is getting rid of that fascist tax.

Toronto residents should not have to pay $60 every year to register their vehicle. It’s an unfair cash grab that hits families hard. Rob Ford will push to eliminate the Vehicle Registration Tax at the first City Council meeting after becoming Mayor.

end the war on cars, start the war on bikes:

noone likes gridlock but everyone loves to drive. rob ford wants more roads and more lanes, so we can drive to more places fast and not have to wait so much.
roads were designed for cars and should be used accordingly. hippies and communists who want to cycle should do so at their own risk. ford will lead this charge



oriental flavour: 100% pure

rob ford doesn't like immigrants and he thinks we should halt immigration to toronto for one year. however, he has expressed his respect for "orientals" who "work like dogs" and "sleep next to their machines."
toronto needs less talky immigrants and orientals and more worky ones. rob ford the leader will help this become a reality!



conclusion:

finally, the city we've always wanted!!! long live rob ford!!!

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