Monday, July 20, 2009

breaking news on huffington post

awhile ago we posted about censorship at the huffington post and how ridiculous it was that they decided a certain video wasn't newsworthy when they publish such trash and pretend like they don't publish trash at all.

in honour of said video and post, the pamphleteers present 'this week on huffington post'.

here are five of the top, hard-hitting, newsworthy stories on the huffpost this week:

1."ten foods that will improve your mood"

for real, FOOD can improve your mood. it can because the huffington post says that it can. or rather "divine caroline" the blog says it will. here are only a few of the foods that will lift your waning mood and make you happy: turkey, salmon, beans, milk, and chocolate.

actually, i think those foods just make you fat, farty, or sleepy. but the huffpost has decided that this is newsworthy and so we must believe.

2. "david gregory caught combing hair before 'meet the press'"

oh tragedy. how embarassing. just like the lipstick application debacle of 2008 the unspeakable has happened: a news anchor has been captured preparing to be on television.

in this case it's a man. and he's combing his hair. it's alright, you can take a second to recover, i know it's shocking.

he combs his hair. breaking, news.

3."woman performs diy plastic surgery, suffers consequences"

oh my god. thank jesus that the huff post alerted me to the dangers of diy plastic surgery, i was just preparing my scalpel.

4. "kate major: john gosselin's night out with another kate"

who is john gosselin and why is his puffy face of any importance to the news or my life?

5. "your boob tape is showing: when celebrities come unglued"

in the past few weeks we watched iranians revolt in the street, a cultural icon perish, the unveiling of an unprecedented american health plan, the 40 year anniversary of the moon landing, and we entered what seems to be the billionth week of a garbage strike in toronto.

none of this matters, because celebrities glue their boobs to their shirts. but sometimes this doesn't work and we can see the tape/glue which disintegrates our idea of the perfect celebrity body and its attainability.

curse you boob tape, curse you.

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