Thursday, May 10, 2012

"Nobody wants to be with a girl who is careless about her underarm odour"

A few days ago I was streaming an episode of Top Chef Canada from the Food Network. The worst thing about streaming is that you have to watch the same Ad over and over and over again in between videos. The Food Network ads are usually pretty silly: Rachel Ray selling Ziploc or the Dairy Council extolling you to, for heaven's sake, drink more milk products. The ads are generally aimed at women and sell things that make their lives easier (or at least look easier) like Swiffers or Campbells soup. Most ads aimed at women are mildly offensive, we all know that, but when I saw this particular ad my jaw actually dropped:

First of all, I have to point out that this isn't a new ad, or a new idea. This campaign was actually used last year for a British product called "Sure." This blows my mind even more-- it's already been USED. Didn't women react to it? React as in "take your f-ing Jingle Bells and shove them up your ass Degree, we aren't Reindeer!" 

There are just so many things that are wrong with this ad. What woman needs a "Jingle Bell" on her wrist to realize how much she moves? Humans move. We have legs and arms, pulmonary systems. Women, like many other creatures on earth, are sentient beings and are generally conscious of "moving." But no, Degree has to remind us to be cognizant of exactly how much we move and, more specifically, how much that is going to make us GROSS.

Hailing a taxi? You stink. Rummaging through your bag? You're sweating. Playing sports? Stink AND sweat, you're gross. Running into an old lady? Your armpits made her barf, she died. Standing on the transit? Your armpit is exposed, you're killing everyone on the bus. Apparently, wearing a jingle bill on your wrist will remind you that you're moving, which will be a negative reinforcement reminding you how disgusting you are and have you thank the baby jesus that you put on that 12 hour antiperspirant that morning. 

This sentiment is reaffirmed when you go to the Drug Store to buy your antiperspirant or deodorant. Oh wait, if you're a lady you can't buy deodorant, unless you want to buy the most expensive deodorant on the planet because all they sell at Drug Stores is antiperspirant for women. It's true. Despite the fact that antiperspirants contain extremely harmful ingredients(like aluminum,the number one ingredient that stops the sweat), women are given almost no choice when purchasing. Move over two feet to the men's section and BAM, it's deodorant galore!! 

Despite what this ad says, no person needs to have a product on and in their skin that will stop their sweating for 12 hours. Women especially. We have a plethora of important equipment around our armpits and although there isn't any "concrete" evidence linking toxic chemicals in antiperspirants and breast cancer I think we're all smart enough to assume that rubbing aluminum and parabens into our lymph nodes could potentially cause some disruptions. Doesn't sweating fulfill a biological imperative? We have to sweat!What is wrong with sweating when you're playing tennis? Isn't that one of the great things about sport and fitness? Sweating it out? When I work out I don't want my armpits to be bone dry, because that is creepy.
So not only is Degree insulting women by being all like "you're mooooving!! you're really moving!" they're also trying to sell us a dangerous product. They also think that you should listen to celebrities who ALSO move. Who moves more than anyone else? JENNIFER LOPEZ!!This is from her website:

"If you’re anything like JLo, you love to move. Whether it’s getting down on the dance floor, or chasing after the kids, movement makes you sweat. That’s why we wanted to tell you about Degree with motionSENSE. "

Yes, if you're ANYTHING like JLo you move every single day!  They also show her wearing her jazzy jingle bell bracelet at an event that calls for a sequin dress. Jennifer Lopez runs after her kids, opens doors, dances, wears fancy dresses, and does some low impact sports things just like YOU.

Really, Degree? Jennifer Lopez? That's who you think will make us need your product? Because she's wearing that stupid jingle bell bracelet it's supposed to make us think that we should to? "Oh you know what would look rad with  my sequin gown? Those jingle bells, girl!" No!  No! women don't wear jingle bells!

Do you know who they use to sell Degree to MEN? This guy:

Bear Grylls. Ex Special Forces, survivalist, adventurer. One of the jobs on his resume is actually ADVENTURER. Do you know what he's doing in this particular photo? He is eating a reindeer heart. He climbed Mount Everest the year after an accident that forced him to learn how to walk again. He was on an expedition that crossed the North Atlantic in what is basically a large dinghy. On his survival show this guy squeezed water out of elephant shit in the desert, INTO HIS MOUTH. Degree sells to men using someone who has literally eaten shit on t.v. Women get someone who looks perfect at all times and considers this an accomplishment. Maybe I'd want to buy something from Jennifer  Lopez if she had shit smeared all over her face, but as long as she looks like a robot I'm not interested.

This is how Degree sells to men:

There is no way in hell they're going to be like "Degree asked men to wear these jingle bells on their extreme sports expedition to remind them how much they move!"  You're not going to see men climbing mountains or jumping off cliffs wearing bells. No. Men just move. Men naturally move, but women have to be reminded that they do so. Women move consciously, flawlessly, and in perfectly coordinated outfits. 

I don't really understand why companies spend money on these campaigns, they should just pull old ads from the 1950s because they're selling the exact same sentiment.

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